Saturday, April 14, 2012

Of my Chemical Pregnancy/Miscarriage

Actually mula2 malas nak menulis pasal ni, tapi, i rasa benda ni dah jadi common di kalangan  women yang baru first time nak conceive mcm i ni.So rasanya tak salah i nak share my experience pasal benda ni.

Okay, how do i start my story eh? i dah kahwin setahun 4 bulan. Tahun pertama i kahwin, believe it or not, i hanya period dua kali! HAHA. Macam tak percaya kan? Sila lah percaya. It really happened. I memang ada masalah period dari mula2 i start datang period lagi. Memang tak teratur and percayalah dah macam2 doktor i jumpa. Pernah satu masa kat U dulu, i tak datang period 7 bulan, sampai jumpa doktor, then the doktor bagi pil panjang colour chocolate, i pun tak tau the name of the medicine actually, bila dah makan tu, macam one week after that, baru i period.... And i period sangat heavy sampai 14 hari! Then lepas tu period i macam teratur sekejap, and then penyakit tak teratur tu datang balik after a while. Kadang2 jarak dia 2, 3 bulan sekali baru period.

I pun tak tahu i ikut siapa, ibu i cakap i ikut one of my aunties. Sebab ibu i tak ada masalah mcm ni. I dah bosan dengar orang2 yang mulut celupar cakap dengan I, "susah nak mengandung kalau ada masalah macam tu". Alhamdulillah, aunty i tu 3 orang je anak dia.  Sebab pregnant ke tidak ke itu semua kerja Allah Taala, kan?

So since i kahwin December 2010, sampai lah January 2012 i period 2 kali sahaja. Masuk January 2012, I dah bertekad i have to do something with my period ni. I kena discipline makan Evening Primrose Oil, sebab based on situasi yang dah lepas2, everytime i consumed the EPO je mesti my period akan teratur balik. So i pun start jadi discipline start January tu.

So, nak jadi cerita i kan balik Miri dalam bulan February  hari tu, seriously i experienced a few early pregnancy symptomps, headache, nausea, i even vomitted satu malam tu, fatigue and macam2 lagi lah. My mother in law recommend i berurut kat ada satu makcik ni, dia memang arif pasal anatomi perempuan ni sebab dia bidan kampung and selalu uruskan jenazah macam tula, dia pun cakap, masa dia urut perut i, dia rasa rahim i kembang, mcm mengandung. So masa i dengar tu, i tak tau nak rasa excited ke tak, but malas nak fikir. Takut false alarm. So I x check la cuma i jaga2 je. Jaga makan jaga aktiviti2 I, sebab takut juga kalau betul2. Hati i pun masa tu 50-50.

So balik dari Miri, i still alami the same symptomps. I mmg still constantly taking EPO, but i wondered, how come i tak period2 lagi eh? Until ada one day ni, i terjaga pukul 4 pagi camtu, sebab i rasa cramping yang sangat2 severe... Memang lagi teruk dari senggugut... tuhan je yang tahu mcm mana sakit dia... It happened dalam 2, 3 kali camtu every morning since the first time i kena tu, tapi dalam 10-15 minutes je, lepas tu dia hilang. Then satu hari tak ada pun rasa cramping macam tu, only in the morning.

I thought i was going to have my period... tapi i xpernah rasa cramping se-severe ini, so it made me worried, i pun buat some research on the net... banyak article yang i baca, early morning cramping ni tanda early pregnancy, so i asked hubby to buy me a few UPT kits...

Then ada satu pagi tu, i rasa severe cramping ni, i pun bangun, bukak UPT tu i buat test....And know what,  the test came out positive. But a faint thin line, but i was sure the line was really visible la... husband pun nampak dengan jelas. So i said to husband, we have to wait, we have to do a few tests. Next morning, i bangun, i did another test, tapi..... test tu came out negative! So, i malas nak berteka teki, we went to the nearby clinic.... dengan niat nak buat scan, nak tengok preggie ke tak ke... Tapi Dr tu cakap scan clinic rosak la pulak.... So dia advise to wait another week.... i still alami all the symptomps fyi, sore breast, fatigue, pening2....

One week past by, so we all pergi klinik lain pula, scan tak cover dengan panel ING, so husband cakap x pe, bayar je, doktor lelaki tua, i pergi tu dalam pukul 9.20pm, dr buat urine test lagi, came out negative, so dr scan....Dr tu cakap, it looks like my rahim tu memag tengah ready for pregnancy... and banyak lagi yang he explained but masa tu i mcm dah tak boleh focus sebab mcm tak percaya pun ada and i dah started to feel some positive feeling that i am pregnant. The doc asked me to come again another one week.

2 days after i jumpa doktor tu, i experienced very2 terrible cramping, memang i x pernah rasa sakit mcm tu la before2 this.... And yes disusuli oleh blood clot and blood flow yang banyakkk macam period.

So yes, i have what we call chemical pregnancy or early miscarriage something like that la. Memang i rasa sedikit frust kan sebab tak jadi. Based on the explanation, telur tu mcm tak berjaya menempel di uterus I and that is why, dia terpaksa keluar sebagai period. Bila difikir2kan balik, if i was pregnant, it will be a very risky one, can you guys imagine, dah berapa lama darah i tak keluar kan? And my rahim is full with darah kotor so it will not be a healthy place for the baby to grow. So partly, i bersyukur sangat2 yang this time around, it was not our rizkh. Allah knows best kan?

Tapi based on a few articles i read about chemical pregnancy/miscarriage, and benda yang selalu jadi, when the woman experienced this kind of thing kan, chances they will get pregnant  frequently adalah sangat2 besar lepas ni kalau tak jaga betul2... Macam kerap macam tu... Wuish, takut juga kan? hehe But one thing for sure they will experience a very2 healthy pregnancy. So sekarang ni, i just menjalani kehidupan mcm biasa, husband tak ada bagi pressure apa2 pun pada I. Tak ada rezeki lagi for baby, tapi Allah bagi banyak rezeki kot lain pula. :)

Husband, family and friends banyak yang very2 supportive la... Ramai cakap yang i wass too pressured sebab tu la jadi macam tu, tapi i rasa ini semua kehendak Allah. Kalau dia nak bagi, dia bagi. Kalau dia kata bukan masanya, then bukan masanya lagila. Cuma i know there are some people yang rasa dia dah boleh mengandung, mungkin akan cakap "Padan muka kau tak mengandung lagi". Well i dont mind... Cakapla, apa saja yang you all nak cakap.... I am happily living my good life with husband, syukur tuhan bagi space for us untuk bina hidup betul2 dulu baru Tuhan bagi rezeki anak tu... InshaAllah. Sekurang2nya mungkin Tuhan tahu kami belum bersedia dari segi mental dan fizikal untuk membesarkan seorang khalifah Allah di muka bumi ni. So i just dont want to bother what people is going to say about me. And frankly speaking, i just dont like some people yang dah mengandung, keep questioning me 'HOW ARE YOU? DAH ADA ISI KE? DAH ADA ISI KE?'macam mengejek and  Macam tak henti2. Just because you already got pregnant, you dont have the right to tease me macam tu. You are not a god. At least, my husband and i, inshaAllah will have the ample time to prepare evrything before the little one arrive.

After all these happened kan, my husband and i dah sedar satu perkara, yang Dia sedang bagi peluang untuk kami bina hidup dengan betul2 baik sebelum ada baby. Husband baru resign Petronas because Alhamdulillah he got better offer at other company, our new love nest will be ready anytime soon. InshaAllah akan lebih more comfortable dari rumah skrg. Macam kami sedar, banyak unsettled things yang kami perlu settle sebelum next step untuk dapatkan baby. No, i tak kata, kalau pregnant awal tak akan ada masa untuk semua ni, i mean kita semua ada pro and cons. Maybe some of you, Allah tahu you all mampu harungi dapat baby and bina hidup and kenali suami sekali harung mcm some of my friends. And untuk kami pula, Allah tahu yang it will be a disaster for us untuk juggle up dengan begitu banyak transition dalam life ni dalam sekali harung macam tu kan, Allah tahu maybe i atau suami i tak akan mampu untuk hadapi nak pindah rumah, nak bina career, nak bina business and then nak prepare for baby dalam sekali harung. Itu yang i selalu fikir, maybe Allah lebih mengetahui. Cuma, tipulah kalau kata kami x nak,kan? Cuma, please understand Allah knows best and perhaps the time is still not right.

I tak marah to some of friends yang tanya2 itu ini.... maybe i dont know, apa the real intentions, maybe memang you concern or maybe memang you nak mengejek... tapi i hope apa yang i dah explain di atas ni will suffice to convey about my situation yea. Sekarang, i dengan husband kami lebih positive, go with the flow. apa saja yang kami buat, kami buat dengan bersungguh2, kami sedar masa yang tuhan berikan dan masa ini lah kami nak guna mengenali satu sama lain, dan sediakan apa yang patut untuk masa depan.

Till then yea!

Note : esok kami pi holiday la. Nantikan entry pasal pi holiday ni tau... sekarang terus berazam nak pusing2 Malaysia or maybe the world la sebelum ada baby :) By the way, i tengah nak tengok ni this month i akan datang period atau tak.... Sebab dah consistent makan supplement :)

11 comments:

Lara Shamsyul said...

Dear....xpe....tuhan lebih mgetahui...dia tahu bila kita dah sedia then baru dia akan bg....xperlu stress2 taw....enjoy je life y u ada....everything jd bersebab kan......rezeki utk baby insyaallah ada.....mgkin bukan skg ms nye.....i doakan utk u y tbaik.....hugs.....

LisaLisut said...

u know whattt masa u update twitter or fb psl makanan ke apa i assume eh yanie ni pregnant ni kot.tp xde la nk komen kt situ kan.just wait n see je hehe. kang salah komen kang xpasal je.nvmind yanie.apa yg u ckp tu semua betul.god knows best.sometimes i wish i have like 6months after married before conceive.tp dh dpt awl redha saja haha. well at least u bole jalan2 pusing malaysia dgn husband skrg.i dh stop jalan2 ok since pregnant tskkk.sbb save duit etc.ade pro n cons to everyone la kan. dan redha.

by the way teruskan mkn EPO since it works for you :) lps ni bole dgr good news from you pulak hehe!insyaallah.amin

Fazlina Zainudin said...

You, i pun baru miscarriage :(
Pernah dengar gak about chemical pregnancy ni, tapi tak tau ape benda tu..huhu..then baru la faham afta baca post u, it just like early miscarriage la yeh?

Anyway, takpela kan..Allah lebih tau apa yg terbaik utk hambaNya..
I doakan you cepat2 preggy yeh pasni...tak payah dengar org lain ckp..i know what exactly you feel..stress je bila ada yg asik tanya je...sensitif la sket kan dgn perasaan kita..huhu

apepun u..teruskan usaha kay..doakan i skali :)

Syima Syaz said...

insyaallah 1 day Yani... keep praying, insyaallah rezeki tu ada...

Iryani Azlan said...

Lara Shamsyul : Thanks dear. Yes for me betul tu. Kalau tuhan tu kata ada, adalah xde nk wat mcm mana kan? Dia bg lbh kot ni kurang kot tu babe.

LisaLisut : yes, I mmg banyak share di twitter je pasal benda tu. So yg tau, masa tu followers twitter I yg berapa kerat tu aje. Haha. Tapi xda rezeki. Allah knows best.

Fazlina Zainudin : condolence to u dear. Takpe banyak2 sabar and stay positive.

Syima Syaz : Thanks Syima. InshaAllah. Always hoping for the best :)

Hana Jaffar said...

insyaAllah one day rezeki u pula yanie.
dan juga i. :) insyaAllah

Iryani Azlan said...

Hana Jaffar : Yes dear. i doakan untuk kita sama2. InshaAllah the time will come soon :)

Ms. Fiena said...

sedeh i baca. take care yanie. doa byk2. perancangan allah lagi hebat utk kamu. insyaallah.

~ NANA ~ said...

it's ok yanie...setiap yg Allah tetapkn tu pasti ada hikmahnya & pasti itu adalah yg terbaik buat kita...juz enjoy ur life & keep on praying for the best k :)

Maneesa said...

hi , i stumble across your blog from KR and your subject post made me click to read.
I truly understand how u feel right now , the same with i am experiencing..i had mine check with the irregular period and doc told that i have PCOS which to conceive we might need to bykkan sabar and have to work harder to conceive.
i think i should try eating Evening primrose like u :) seems it's a good thing for us yg irregular ni. nway take care and looking forward to read more from you. thank you for sharing ur experience :)

amelyn said...

hi yanie! im bw.
about the irregular menses tu, dont worry too much. im having the same thing too, alhamdulillah.. boleh je ada baby.. heh
and yes, sila rajin makan EPO, i dah makan bertahun kot, kena disiplin sikit la.
im praying for your good health okay! TC!

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