Sunday, September 9, 2012

The Ups and Downs in Marriage (so far....)

Dulu masa busy buat wedding preparation, memang i admit i lupa nak fikir pasal kehidupan lepas kahwin macammana sebenarnya. And dahla i duduk sendiri tak duduk dengan my mom, so im lackings in all the advices about how to be a good wife, what to do if your husband is like this,like that.... haha. Well maybe actually ada je ibu gives advice once a while bila dapat spend masa dengan dia tu but maybe aku je yang tak nak dengar. Haha.

So, masa before kahwin, all that excites me were just about the dress, the pelamin, and almost EVERY SINGLE DETAILS about the wedding but i never think of about living together and share your everyday lives with a man called husband. To me, "Ala, everything is going to be okay, aku kenal dia dah lama kot, he is going to be like who he is now, sure punya la" AHA! You should slapped yourself back then Yanie! Haha. Yes, my husband is still the same person i met and loved 5 years back BUT when I lived together with him under one roof baru I tau the TRUE him. HAHA.

Dont get me wrong if you read this entry and terus nak buat assumptions macam "Dia tak suka husband dia lah tu" " Dia dah boring kahwin la tu" "Dia nak takutkan orang yang nak kahwin la tu" and bla bla. NO, tak bermaksud langsung. I just want to share and sharing is caring, kan? Betol tak? But please bear in mind, these are views from someone yang baru married for 1 year and 9 months and is not blessed with kids yet. I know you will have lots to tell once you are married with kids. You know the goods and the bads. 

Okay, my experiences so far about sharing life with my husband :

1) After you are married, over the time you boleh asyik bergaduh about small2 things macam stuffs like tak buang plastic beli DVD (in my case!), pasal beg dia bersepah kat ruang tamu, pasal I takut cicak, pasal I tak pandai tutup air sink rapat2... Haha, tapi xdela bergaduh sampai bertumbuk bagai, baling pinggan mangkuk semua, cuma masing2 membebel la. Dulu bila i membebel atau husband membebel masing2 nak snap!Please DONT! Bila you nak snap, tu yang akan jadi worst. Over the time, we all belajar just to listen to each other. Sometimes, kita maybe stress pasal benda lain kan? Tu sebab  plastik DVD pun jadi mangsa. LOL.

2) Dulu before kahwin, wahhh memang melekat je kat satu sama lain, pegang tangan tak nak lepas.... bila dah tinggal serumah ni kadang2 bila kita rasa nak lepak2 dengan husband tengok TV, guess what he's doing? Main game Football Manager okay! But i think vice versa la kot, maybe time dia nak lepak2 ngan i, i pula tengah sibuk benda lain.... But itu dulu2 la, kadang2 sampai merajuk2 macam "You ni asyik main game je bukan nak tengok TV dengan I!!" But now, masing2 dah paham and belajar, you nak your husband/wife lepak dengan you terus terang je. Just tell him/her yang you nak spend time dengan dia. Time2 macam ni la you akan rasa wahh kalau Long Distance lagi bagus. Sebab dia balik mesti dia nak spend the precious time with you sebab jarang balik kan? Haha Tapi kau sanggup nak LDR, Yanie? Haha

3) Bila you dah kahwin please bear this in mind, apa saja pilihan you untuk rumah bukan untuk you seorang! To those yang suka flowery2 bagai nak deco rumah tu, you better asked your husband approval first. Make him talk kalau yang tak suka nak cakap tu. Bukan apa, kadang2 ini pun punca kenapa husband tak nak duduk rumah, sebab dia akan bagi reason "Peningla banyak bunga sangat!!""Pening la mcm kebun bunga" bla bla... I know lelaki tak ada reason pun create reason tapi kita pun kena la bijak... Jangan bagi dia chance to create even the slightest reason. haha. For me, i memang tak suka deco yang flowery bagai. i like simple things. Everything must be plain and simple. For colours pulak, for the time being rumah sewa, i banyak main warna garang macam hitam, cokelat and merah.... Tapi rumah yang kami beli nanti, i dah discuss dengan husband untuk main kan warna2 lembut. So thank god, mmg senang nak capai mutual agreement on home deco with my husband because our tastes parallel to each other.

4) One of the many good things after dah lama you hidup sebumbung dengan your husband kan is you akan rasa takut sangat bila fikir your life without him. Tak kisahla samada you will miss him or you will miss your routines with him, doesnt matter, still you akan ada fear mcm "Ish, what am I gonna do without him?" I dont know about other married couples but that's what i feel. It has proven true masa husband pergi offshore tu and Alhamdulillah he is feeling the same way too. But as a woman, we have to have a little bit of doubts in our trust to our husband. Bukan nak ajar tak nak 100% percaya. But this is the truth. Dont be overprotective  tapi jangan ignorant sangattt. Bila you rasa you cannot live without him, you will love him more, you will appreciate him more, and you will learn to forgive and let go benda2 kecil yang you terasa dengan dia because they are just nothing compare to having him around to calm and soothes you whenever you need those things the most.

For the time being, those are all i can share with you guys. At the end of the day, tolak ansur is really important in a marriage. Jangan ingat kalau kita bertelagah over choices and benda2 kecil tu negative. They are not. Actually itu menunjukkan kita mempunyai HEALTHY marriage relationship, because both of us wants the best for each other. Yang problem dia ialah, how you face the conflicts and how you bounce back from dugaan dalam rumahtangga tu yang penting. Manaada semua marriage asyik on cloud nine ja. Once a while mesti ada gaduh2 sikit. Tak pasal the partner himself or herself kadang2 pasal the people related to our partner macam the friends ke or the family ke.... But yang penting, tolak ansur, sabar and always keep positive thoughts in mind. And have to have lots of communications! There are always ways on how to invite your partner to have a smooth 2ways communication with you, tinggal nak cari je la. Dont worry, i selalu hadapi masalah ni as husband bukan la orang yang suka bercakap sangat and mendengar cakap *roll eyes* but over the time, I managed to find the way!If i can, you people out there mesti boleh juga. Trust me :)




3 comments:

LisaLisut said...

point no.2 samaaaaaaaa.asyik main FM je.dh ada anak pn tetappp berFM.haishhhhhhhhh

no.4 pun samaaaaaaaaaa :P

but yes,communication is a MUST :)

ms.comey said...

no 2 tu sama la dengan i.. hihi. I dh share this dkt hubby,biar dia baca supaya dia taw pompuan nak ada masa tengok tv dengan hubby instead off dia asek main football manager jew.. hehe

cha said...

haha gelak i baca entry ni. psl plastik dvd la bagai. mmg btul kn psl benda kecik pn nk bebel. tp kdg bila i bebel kn husband i jwb lawak-lawak 'yela cikgu (sebab time tu i pakai spek mata so dia ckp i mcm cikgu) haha so dr nak marah jd gelak terus

give and take, berkomunikasi tu mmg penting kan :)

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